After a long day at work, he walked in through the kitchen door and with urgency came to me as I stood over the stove. He seemed to ignore my busyness and put his arms around me. For a split second, I thought something had changed. Hope welled up inside me, but then in a mocking voice came words that told me I was wrong. “How was your day”, he asked? Before I had a chance to respond he rolled his eyes and walked away. I picked my heart up off the floor and quickly tucked it safely in the back pocket of my jeans like I had done so many times before. Dinner was served and another night of meaningless conversation was etched on the calendar of our marriage. The day before, I went out on a limb and told him we don’t talk anymore. No more sweet conversations about our lives and our Continue Reading
Finding Forever Through the “I Do”
Sometimes forever seems like yesterday. It’s been 30 years since he gave me the first piece of the puzzle that would change our entire life. One white cardboard piece followed by 6 additional. And with each assembled piece on that cold and snowy Valentine’s evening, the anticipation and gravity of what these 7 perfect pieces represented came together. The bands of a ring delicately drawn with the diamond as the last inserted piece. As I completed the puzzle, his most important question flew nervously from his lips. He took my breath away that night. He was asking me to agree to forever. To forever with him. In that moment of "yes" and "I do", we were incapable of understanding what forever really meant. Two imperfect, unknowingly broken people trying to create the perfect life Continue Reading
Breathing Life into Marriage: The Lights on the Dashboard
While driving my minivan, a strange light appeared on the dashboard. I’d never seen it before and didn’t know what it meant. It looked like an exclamation mark inside parentheses: (!) I grabbed my phone and took a picture of the strange light (don’t worry, the van was parked) and I sent the picture to my husband, Jeff, with the question: Any idea what (!) means? He texted back and said it meant either a flat tire or a tire that’s getting low on air. So I stepped out to examine all four tires, and sure enough, one was quite low. It had a slow leak. Those flickering lights on the dashboard tell us when something needs tending. Maybe the car is low on fuel. Maybe the car is leaking oil. The lights on the dashboard help us intervene before we end up with a flat tire, run out of gas, Continue Reading
When Marriage Needs a God Intervention
"Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred." Proverbs 15:17 (NIV) Eleven years together called for a celebration. So we tried. We really did. And in an effort to recreate the magic of our wedding night, we dined on lobster and steak and booked a room for the night. This time instead of the Rocky Mountains, we overlooked the Atlantic. From the outside our lives sparkled like the earrings Tim gave me that night. But on the inside our hearts had become hardened toward one another. Because while we still loved each other, we loved ourselves more. It was either his way or my way, never our way. Without a God intervention, we were on course for divorce. Our words were few that night. I determined it was better to chew my food than the aftermath of Continue Reading