He left when I was twelve. War, PTSD, and alcoholism left my father a broken man, unable to cope with the responsibilities of family. I visited him summers and weekends, but we never regained the daddy-daughter relationship that my heart yearned for. I so wanted him to acknowledge me, listen to me, and show an interest in my life, but he was overwhelmed trying to survive his own. Then I had my first child. Something about holding my baby and feeling a love so intense I couldn’t breathe caused me to question how my own father could resist loving me. After conversations with my older sister and a couple of visits to Al-Anon, I began to realize that I needed to let go of the expectation that he would be able to show me love in the way I desired. So, instead, I determined to show Him Continue Reading
Mortar for Every Mother’s Weary Heart- Fresh Market Friday
When the last goodnight has been spoken and a long-awaited hush floats through the house, I exhale, trying to get my thoughts of inadequacy corralled and release the day’s tension. It's been a difficult day of mothering, and I wonder if I am really making a difference. I question whether all this emptying and pouring into will really create an overflow of glory. Not for me, but for Him. Do you ever feel this way? Like all the intentional effort and energy is yielding very little return? And you wonder what you are missing in this motherhood calling? This soul shaping and keeping of dreams is just plain hard some days. Our heart can wear tired at the constant rebuttals and eye-rolls and roller coaster emotions. I’ve never known how to raise a daughter. No sisters to lean Continue Reading
4 Reminders of Good in the World
After a week of life bombarded by horror and tragedy, we have all struggled to wrap our heads around how this life can be filled with so much pain and suffering. During times like these, when the weight of the world is too heavy to bear, I find myself desperate to seek out moments of goodness and kindness and joy. And I'm guessing your soul needs the same. So today, we seek these moments together — Where life is cherished, and laughter is un-containable. Where the smallest and least of these are honored and shown respect. And the legacy of unconditional love is forged through years of beginning again. Where unexpected grace abounds with no thought of profit beyond the pure joy that comes in the pouring out. Continue Reading
Forever #Pre-Approved
It’s my favorite place, this chunky red chair tucked within the corner, a sanctuary surrounding the peace of winter’s foggy mornings. This place of sinking and settling in to safety, where God breathes life into my bones and whispers affirmations to a soul always needing reminded of a father’s love. The memory surfaces in this space of emptying; I’ve learned to trust the timing. And it’s really not about the memory as much as it is the message. Once buried deeply and clinging to the fragile walls of this little-girl-heart. For too many years steering and driving toward an endless search for approval and belonging. Continue Reading