Her walls overflow with whimsy, and each time I walk into her room, I am compelled to linger over the colors and collages added through the years. There is no order, no formula, and boundaries don’t exist.
Inspiration alone occupies the driver’s seat. She was made to create, and she knows it. Loves it. Breathes it.
She was the one who endured a three-hour interview and design audition in the sixth grade and came out smiling when so many others were in tears. Never for a moment did she entertain what was at stake in her attempt to get accepted into the highly sought after school for the arts.
She just needed to create. And create she did.
For three intense years the art supplies lined the shelves and filled the drawers of her bedroom studio. Inspiration flowed from the planks on the floor in between the removal of carpet and new flooring.
Creativity trailed along the walls between paint color changes necessary to keep inspiration alive. And just when it appeared there was no place left to create, the bedroom door became a palette.
What a wonder to watch a child who never questions failure. I’ve witnessed it in my oldest who followed his God created thirst for knowledge all the way to Oxford. And my second child whose soul bursts with the need to sing and lead worship, weighing the opportunities before him, ready to plunge heart first, knowing through the years of study and hard work, this is his calling.
And I am right there, ready to support and encourage, never wavering in my belief of their passions. If only I offered myself the same.
How is it, as adults, we lose this ability to live in the place we are created to inhabit with every part of our being?
When does the quiet killing begin?
Where we forget what it was like to fully embrace the unique desires deep within that send the blood rushing and stops the clock from ticking. Where we find our greatest pleasure and our greatest reward. Where we know we will surely die if we do not experience what has been sewn into our existence.
“Sometimes the fear of failure steals the beauty we were meant to create.”
I can bring to mind a few areas in my life where I have ceased moving forward because the fear of failing has been the bully pinning me down. Even now, in writing these words, I hear his gruff voice lobbing lies into my mind.
Perhaps you have heard the same lies.
You can’t do it.
Why try….you’re just going to fail.
It’s going to take too long.
You are too old, too young, etc.
You don’t know enough.
You are just going to embarrass yourself.
I am sure the list is endless!
It is a rare person who does not experience this fear of failure. To press through the voice of doubt forever questioning our purpose is the challenge.
Still, as much as I am challenged in my tendency to give ear to the lies, my spirit snapped to attention at Angie’s perspective of considering lack of follow through as an act of disobedience to God.
“It is an act of disobedience to tell God you don’t want to do what He is telling you do.”
“It is an act of disobedience to tell God you aren’t capable of doing what He is telling you to do.”
Am I really choosing disobedience by not believing and not following through on something I know God has placed in my heart? In essence, choosing not to trust is choosing to disobey. I don’t know if I have ever looked at my lack of action this way, and I am humbled by the truth.
How about you?
“If what we are being called to do is in God’s will for us, we truly can’t fail.” Angie Smith
Who are we going to obey? The enemy of our hearts responsible for destroying dreams, or our God who placed these dreams within our DNA and sends them coursing through our bodies, sending our hearts pumping with excitement at the possibility that we were created for such a purpose.
Because He knows to live these dreams will bring us pleasure and bring Him glory.
Suddenly choosing to release the fear of failure sounds easier than choosing disobedience!
I’m just sayin”……
If you would like to join our reading of What Women Fear, you can find the Reading Schedule here.
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***photo by Sven