My blue power suit was pressed, and I had managed to quickly grab two matching shoes on my way out the door for a job interview downtown. My stomach was spinning. Does anyone really enjoy interviews? Today would begin the whittling process, with several interviews and several months of waiting if I made it past the first meeting.
Like every other person, I had to show my best skills, all while smiling and appearing at ease. Organized, multi-tasker, detailed, self starter, results oriented, flexible, works well under stress. Another words, a woman who could do it all. You get the picture.
The job called for someone who exemplified the total package, and to be lacking in any of the areas meant I would not hear the stamp of approval pound on my resume. Before long, I began hearing the same old script replay in my mind, “Who do they think I am, Wonder Woman?”
Things we say have a way of coming back full circle, and as I write this, a chuckle rises from the solitude of my corner desk. How many times through the years have those very words slipped from my lips, sometimes dancing with humor, but most times laced with frustration out of a weary need to feel validated as a wife….mother….woman. Although I have made progress through the years, I am fully aware how easily old patterns can slip back in to existence.
To drive the message home, sitting on my writing desk is a small collector figurine of (you guessed it) Wonder Woman in all her glory. A gift from my husband, since no doubt I had finally convinced him of who I really was. I even had a refrigerator magnet at one time proclaiming my super hero status. Not an accomplishment I would recommend.
There are life altering moments we are given, moments we can choose to dismiss or usher into our conscious thoughts, moments we can ignore or choose to learn from. My moment arrived with a glance past my computer screen.
As if the golden lasso had been thrown with enough accuracy to wrap tightly around me and constrict movement, the truth came spilling from my heart.
The ease at which we can get caught up in the cycle of doing is astounding. In doing, we keep control of everything and everyone around us. In controlling, we can minimize failure. In minimizing failure, we appear strong and competent. In feeling strong and competent, we feel accepted, affirmed and valuable.
The process begins quite subtly, and as women, we end up drawing out our picture of the kind of woman, wife and mother we think we need to be through living out our strengths, which are grounded in performance. Before long they become our identity and necessary for us to feel loved and valued.
The pillars of independence and self sufficiency we construct through our living do not support a heart of security and strength. They only feed the tall weed roots which tangle our heart into believing the lie, “I am not enough.”
When we wrap the truth of scripture around our hearts, we understand two incredibly freeing concepts:
What a cool and refreshing drink for our souls! No failure, no accomplishment, no thought, no emotion, no earthly reward, no plump 401k, no job, no “to do’ list can have any bearing on how much we are loved or how valued we are. We are more than enough!
No one really wants to be Wonder Woman. No one can be. Why not just “be” the wonderfully created person you were meant to be, with a heart stamped boldly as approved, as accepted, and let God take care of the rest!
You….just you, in all your failures and strivings are more than enough!
God says so….