If there was ever a week when I needed mental strength, it’s been this week. It’s been a week of one step forward and three steps back as I’ve fought to make my voice heard in a world of men, picked up the pieces of someone else’s mistakes, waited for truth to find its way to the top of a very messy situation and tried desperately to walk in the footsteps of both confidence and humility.

In the quiet of my four walls, I’ve cried, stomped, and wrestled through a sea of egos, including my own, and contemplated how even a well-meaning cluster of humanity has the ability to hurt so many in its path. How it tarnishes and rusts a foundation. How it can swallow us whole in the sea of emotions if we let it.

But we can’t let it. Because what we do and how we do it matters.

Strength…Dignity…Grace.

These words posted on the wall of my workspace are a driving force in how I want to show up for myself and for others. Over and over, I’ve repeated them to myself this week as I navigated confrontations drenched in testosterone, crafted carefully worded emails, and spearheaded resolutions for the good of many.

Strength…Dignity…Grace.

We’ve all been there, more times than we’d care to count. The situations and intensity vary but time and time again, our emotions threaten to compromise our mental strength.  Losing our mental and emotional grounding is all it takes to spiral toward regret

What we do and how we do it matters because it’s easy to get distracted by the unplanned and unwanted curveballs of life.  And although many times we just want to get through them in one piece, if that is our only goal, then we’re missing out on some incredible blessings only acquired through learning to navigate them from a place of strength.

So, when we’ve cried the last tear and screamed the last “it’s not fair” we hoist up our XL-sized big girl pants and get about the business of walking out this hope that’s alive and well inside.

The kind of hope that exhibits itself through strength of character and strength of mind.

• The powerful kind that erupts from deep within and plows over every untruth, every negative thought, and every ounce of self-pity
• The focused kind that silences screaming voices shouting of how unworthy, unheard, and forgotten we are
• The kind that refuses to sink into the muck of old patterns and past regrets
• The confident kind that rests in the peace and knowledge of being held

As a Feminine Embodiment & Emotional Resilience Coach, I’ve helped people search deep within themselves to find strength and will they were convinced they did not have.  I’ve had to do the same for myself, over and over again. Our stories of digging and unearthing from places never visited are probably very similar.

That’s the place of mental strength. The place of our deepest and often most profound work.

So how do we get there?  How do we fill our XL-sized big girl pants? 

Tolerate Discomfort

Accept our feelings without being controlled by them and without judging them.  It’s human to not want to feel all of our feelings, particularly the uncomfortable ones. We are created to feel a gamut of emotions, and freedom comes when we allow ourselves permission to acknowledge them and feel ALL of them.

Did you know it takes about 90 seconds for a feeling to pass through our bodies?

That can feel like a very long time. The truth is, regardless of how uncomfortable the emotions are, there is sweet release and peace in allowing these emotions to pass through us and purify what is pent-up and trapped within.

Evaluate Core Thoughts

What do you know vs. what do you feel? Our emotions have the ability to conjure up incredible mirages of the past, present, and future.  But feelings don’t always equal truth. That doesn’t mean they aren’t relevant and don’t need to be fully felt. By feeling them, we have the opportunity to identify the core thought or belief causing them and then we can decide if the thought is really true or not. So often our thoughts are simply not true, and aligning our thoughts with truth can directly affect how we want to feel.

“We either believe what we think or we question it: there’s no other choice. Questioning our thoughts is the kinder way. Inquiry always leaves us as more loving human beings.” Byron Katie

Focusing on the core of what we know to be true regardless of what we feel is vital to developing mental strength. Evaluating our thoughts is the beginning of transforming the cycle of blame, shame, comparison, perfectionism and people pleasing in our lives.

Think Productively

Thinking productively means being willing to think beyond the assumptions we make and the stories we tell ourselves about anything and anyone. This is not easy…battles of the mind never are!

One of the best tools I’ve used for this originates from Byron Katie in her book, Loving What Is. What I’ve learned is how much the ego wants to decide how to think, and how much suffering I can avoid by diving deeper than the ego to find where the inner truth lies. There is a certain peace that comes with going beneath the ego to find the authentic, real truth hiding within the layers.

When we are willing to think beyond the assumptions and stories that run through our mind, we open up our mental capacity to possibilities outside of our personal experience. We begin to experience the power we possess to take our thoughts captive. Not just by identifying the untruth, but by replacing it with authentic truth.

Embrace Change

Change is rarely timely or predictable. But it is inevitable, and realizing allows us to be somewhat prepared, even in the uncertainty. Embracing change is just not easy so much of the time. But it is the only avenue to access joy and peace. It is the only way to alleviate the suffering that comes from fighting against. And so often, it is the avenue that leads us into problem solving and solutions.

We can embrace change and still not agree with it or like it. We can choose to flow in it and with it, still doing what we can to navigate it in the most productive way for our well-being, all the while being ready to experience a little bit of sustaining joy along the way.

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”~Steve Maraboli

Develop Staying Power

I’m not a huge fan of waiting. I like what I like, when I like it. Don’t we all? However, I also know I can’t expect situations to be resolved quickly just because I’m doing all that is within my power to do.

The duration and intensity of difficult and challenging situations has the potential to unravel us if we fail to develop staying power in the waiting.

To do otherwise creates the space for life’s curve balls to leave pockets of bitterness, resentment and loss of hope. We always have a choice of how to wait, how to feel the emotions, and how to manage our brain by navigating the waves of waiting with a level of acceptance that brings more ease and flow to our lives.

We can still remain grounded in the unknown and the unanswered utterances of our heart. Completion always comes, and there is so much life to be lived in the space of waiting.

There is a way that matters.

This is the way of strength, dignity, and grace.