It’s crazy how life is. Or, let’s be honest…how I am. It was one of the happiest times of my life as we welcomed our healthy newborn baby boy. There was so much to celebrate, yet something was missing…
Oh, how precious were the days of building our family! Friends helped friends as they expanded their families – anticipating babies to be born, adjusting to new little ones. Sweet hugs and kisses, sleepless nights, temper tantrums, the whole package!
Those times were exhausting but priceless! Bonding with friends was easy – for my husband and myself, as we had so much in common with those around us. Friends laughed and cried together, shared stories of exhaustion and exhilaration together.
Those were the days that lifetime friends were made.
By the time our second son was born, I had a sweet circle of acquaintances and friends – and one very dear friend. My “BFF!” We had a lot in common…considering our children were stepping-stones. She had one, I had one, she had one and I had one. We talked on the phone daily (several times a day), and shared life.
Naturally, when my baby was born I was bursting with excitement for my BFF to meet him. I called her, “Oh, can you believe it?! I thought he was going to be a girl!!! How crazy! I can’t wait for you to meet him!”
Regrettably, the day he was born, my BFF was busy – but so was I – comfortably distracted by parents, brothers, sisters and friends.
Other “friends.”
The second day passed, then the third.
I hinted, “You should see how Kyle is loving the new baby. Oh, he’s soooooo cute!” secretly hoping my BFF would schedule a visit.
But she didn’t. The fourth day passed. And another.
She lived 10 minutes away. Hello?????? My patience started to wane. My attitude began to plunge.
After all, she. was my “B. F. F. !” My heart sunk.
Day after day passed and I realized…. She isn’t coming. At least not any time soon.
Oh.
Geeze…
Disappointment threatened to open the door to bitterness and resentment.
After allllllll I had done for her????? I had been bursting with excitement for the birth of her children! Thoughts (not so nice thoughts) flooded my mind and as my blood pressure began to rise I knew I needed to have a serious talk with myself about how I measure friendships.
When I reflect on God’s gifts and His goodness I always stand in awe of His gift of friendship. He alone is all we need, yet he knew that we would do better with others standing beside us, supporting us, encouraging us. And graciously, oh so graciously, God brought friends into our lives. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV) we’re told:
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
That day, as my attitude plunged, I realized that my disappointing BFF truly was my friend. She loved me. Deeply. In her own way. Even though she didn’t meet my expectations.
I had to ask myself if that was good enough.
Questions flooded my mind:
- Would she be there for me if I really needed her? (yes)
- Does she genuinely care about me? (yes)
- Do I genuinely care about her or just what I get out of the friendship? (yes, I do)
- Could I accept that she would let me down in the future if we continued being friends? (I’d have to…if I couldn’t, then I knew we couldn’t continue our friendship)
- Can I accept her the way she is? (yes, I decided I could)
So, day 10 of my sweet baby’s life was the day my perspective on friendship changed. It was the day that I learned to accept my friends for who they are and appreciate their friendship at the level that they can give.
I learned that we as women need friends, but friends are flawed.
To hold a friend to a standard that they simply can’t live up to is cruel and unloving. True friendship loves unconditionally. Share on X
Friendship is a beautiful gift. Flawed but oh, so, beautiful.
Over time my BFF evolved into my “very dear friend.” Peeling off the label BFF allowed her to just be my friend – expectations aside. As seasons changed she drifted and returned, as most friends do. When crisis hit, she popped out of the woodwork and became a precious help in my time of need.
Through the years I’ve realized the error of thinking that any friend could satisfy my needs and expectations. Just when I think they can, rest assured, God undoubtedly plucks them out of my life to show me – He is the only one that I truly need.
Friends are just icing on the cake!!! YUM!!
What excites Char is an opportunity to encourage others. She loves to inspire others to reach for their full potential using the gifts and talents that God has planted in them. She is a mother to two sons and a wife to Chris for over 30 years.
She loves writing, tutoring, and floral arranging – random right?! Visit her blog at TrekkingThru.com for a dose of encouragement.
TrekkingThru | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram
Need More Friendship Encouragement?
Catch Up On Previous Made for Brave Stories…Here
Sisters, we are called to walk the way of hope instead of the way of defeat. We must claim more than our title of “Daughter of the King.” We must step up and also claim our position.
And we must claim these together. As a sisterhood; a sisterhood of brave women who stand strong in the promises of who God is and who we are.
- We all are Made for Brave.
- We are made to live for something authentic and brave.
- In living brave, we silence the past, transform the future, and take a front row seat to God’s wild and uncontainable love!
So, I’m inviting you to join this Made for Brave Sisterhood, each Monday as we share our stories and allow God to bring hope and healing. Let’s commit to being authentic and brave, one step at a time, side by side, holding each other up and nudging each other toward our true selves. And let’s claim the victory waiting on the other side of brave; for ourselves and our sisterhood.
Let’s celebrate our tears and our struggles as we peel away the layers of fear to reveal the beauty of brave.
Let’s risk everything that brave requires for everything that brave has to offer…
Becoming who we were created to be!
In living brave, we silence the past, transform the future, and take a front row seat to God’s wild and uncontainable love! #MadeforBrave #Hope Share on XDo you have a Made for Brave story to share? Get the writing guidelines and submit your stories HERE!
Download Your Made for Brave Manifesto in the Soul- Hope Cafe!
Just For You…
The SOUL-HOPE CAFE is a place created exclusively just for you – a quiet little corner full of free gifts for you, where you can download all of our PRINTABLES, FRAMEABLES and INTENTIONAL LIFE TOOLS designed to sprinkle hope throughout your daily life.