He left when I was twelve.
War, PTSD, and alcoholism left my father a broken man, unable to cope with the responsibilities of family. I visited him summers and weekends, but we never regained the daddy-daughter relationship that my heart yearned for.
I so wanted him to acknowledge me, listen to me, and show an interest in my life, but he was overwhelmed trying to survive his own.
Then I had my first child. Something about holding my baby and feeling a love so intense I couldn’t breathe caused me to question how my own father could resist loving me. After conversations with my older sister and a couple of visits to Al-Anon, I began to realize that I needed to let go of the expectation that he would be able to show me love in the way I desired.
So, instead, I determined to show Him the love of Christ.
I began visiting him, praying intensely for him, and serving him in small ways, such as decorating his home. God began to heal my heart piece by piece as I focused on giving my father what he was unable to give me.
Eventually, his alcoholism rendered him unable to care for himself, so my sister brought him home to live with her. He began to be a regular part of our lives and got to know our children. Because I homeschooled my kids, we volunteered to take him to VA appointments.
On one of those trips, he was depressed and suicidal. God opened the door for me to share the hope of salvation in Christ. He listened but wasn’t ready to commit.
His addiction seemed too great a bridge for Jesus to cross in his eyes.
I assured him that when he was ready, he could call on Jesus at any time. I continued to pray for him and spend time with him, cleaning the house he had moved into and writing the checks to pay his bills. The kids and I would clean; he would cook us lunch. One day we arrived to find him intoxicated to the point that my daughter was afraid.
I knew he would never hurt any of us, but she wasn’t used to that kind of behavior. So, I told him that we loved him and wanted to spend time with him, but he needed to be sober before we could return. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. We left.
Several days later, he called and invited us back over for lunch. I could immediately tell that he was sober. I share this because he really did try to quit. Shortly after that on a visit to the VA, he told them he wanted to enter their rehab program.
They didn’t have a bed available; that window closed.
Later he would refuse medical treatment when his body began shutting down. As I took him home from the hospital where he checked himself out against medical advice, my heart began to break because I knew he wouldn’t survive much longer.
As I settled him in his bed, I began to cry. He assured me that should he die, I had nothing to worry about. Those words gave me great comfort in the months ahead when we lost him.
Years prior, my mom, sister, and I had owned a Christian bookstore. I’ll never forget a man who came in one day looking for gifts for his three daughters. He wanted to buy them each a token of his love and affection.
I remember being jealous and angry. I figured I should be able to expect that kind of love from my daddy, too. But it was only when I stopped putting those expectations on my father and put my hope in God, that I had the courage to love him the way he needed to be loved.
Only in Christ can we be brave enough to love beyond our expectations to the hope that can be found in Him alone. Share on X“To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” ~Colossians 1:27 (NIV)
Jennifer Hayes Yates is a blogger, best-selling author, and passionate speaker. She serves in her church as a Sunday school teacher and music director and leads a small group of awesome ladies in Bible study at her home.
Lover of all things Jesus, books, and coffee, she can be found in quiet corners or busy spaces, sipping lattes, studying commentaries, and chatting up strangers.
Author Website | Facebook | Instagram | Books
Catch Up On Previous Made for Brave Stories…Here
Sisters, we are called to walk the way of hope instead of the way of defeat. We must claim more than our title of “Daughter of the King.” We must step up and also claim our position.
And we must claim these together. As a sisterhood; a sisterhood of brave women who stand strong in the promises of who God is and who we are.
- We all are Made for Brave.
- We are made to live for something authentic and brave.
- In living brave, we silence the past, transform the future, and take a front row seat to God’s wild and uncontainable love!
So, I’m inviting you to join this Made for Brave Sisterhood, each Monday as we share our stories and allow God to bring hope and healing. Let’s commit to being authentic and brave, one step at a time, side by side, holding each other up and nudging each other toward our true selves. And let’s claim the victory waiting on the other side of brave; for ourselves and our sisterhood.
Let’s celebrate our tears and our struggles as we peel away the layers of fear to reveal the beauty of brave.
Let’s risk everything that brave requires for everything that brave has to offer…
Becoming who we were created to be!
In living brave, we silence the past, transform the future, and take a front row seat to God’s wild and uncontainable love! #MadeforBrave #Hope Share on XDo you have a Made for Brave story to share? Get the writing guidelines and submit your stories HERE!
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