To the rest of the world, I was optimistic, the glass-half-full type of person. To me and mine, I was critical, honing in on what was wrong.
I didn’t try to be this way…. I just was. Regretfully so!
Which made me try all the harder to STOP being like this.
No matter how much effort I used, breaking free from this pattern of thought/behavior seemed impossible.
Perfectionism had its grip on me and it was like a vice!
As a perfectionist, I tend to ignore the 99 good things and hyper-focus on the 1 bad thing.
It affected not only me but my faith. Striving, worry, comparison, and discontentment marked my inner thought life. I felt like a failure to myself and to God. It seemed like I, we, lived in a constant state of neediness from Him. I almost felt embarrassed when I approached Him because I was constantly fretting over one need or another.
I remember the pivotal moment in my recognition that I had more than just an “issue” but a real problem. At the time, we were living in a home with a screened in back porch where I would often go for some quiet time with the Lord. Our children were in elementary school, maybe even just beginning middle school.
I sat down in my wicker chair with my gaze fixed on a bright red cardinal in the backyard. My prayer began with exasperation, even angst, “Oh God……..”. Something interrupted my attention so I got up to go back inside to handle it. I then came back, trying again for some extra devotional time that day. The same red cardinal was still in the yard as the exact words came out of my mouth, “Oh God….”.
Wouldn’t you know it, another interruption. So back inside I went to handle that need. I tried for a third time, coming back outside with the bird still there as I uttered the same defeated sounding plea, “Oh God”.
At that moment, God opened my eyes to what I was doing.
I was entering His presence in fear and defeat. Repeatedly, my focus was on what was WRONG in our life. The revealed habit of my prayer time with Him was met with the absurdity of it all.
Why on earth was I entering the presence of the Almighty King of the Universe in such a manner?! Had I forgotten who I was actually addressing? He is All-Loving, All-Knowing, and All-Powerful for goodness sake. Nothing is an issue for Him. He can handle it all, including the hot mess of me and mine!
My inward dialogue of not feeling up to par was affecting my whole outlook on life and faith. I knew immediately I had to change. But how?
Effort isn’t what will always solve a problem. As a typical perfectionist, I was used to trying excessively to achieve a goal. Though now I recognized the problem, more effort wasn’t necessarily going break me free from it. Lifelong habits are hard to break, even for a perfectionist. How can I stop being “me”?
God accomplished this monumental goal in two ways:
He dealt with the “what” before instructing me in the “how”.
After identifying what was harmful in my perspective from perfectionism, the Lord showed me the right outlook as it concerned me and mine.
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My Heavenly Father guided me to what would bring the peace and joy I longed for as a believer. No matter married or single, with children or not, working inside the home or in a career, this was to be the mindset to replace the negative self-talk.
I was to focus on what was RIGHT! Instead of stewing on what was wrong with me or us, I needed to meditate on what was right. Whatever was excellent or praiseworthy, that should drive my thought life.
But how? Remember, more effort to change myself wasn’t the solution so what would achieve this goal for me?
The “how” was revealed through a practice I was to incorporate in my devotional time. He guided me into beginning each morning with a gratitude journal. As I took the first sips of coffee, I would contemplate what was RIGHT about my life. I would write down in bullet points what I had to be grateful for from the previous day. I numbered them for the whole year, beginning anew for the next year. Some days there would be 3 or 4 but on other days, there may be 7 or 8 counted. It varied numerically but never in consistency. I was faithful to begin each day in this manner.
Over time, an amazing thing happened!
I remember entering God’s presence one day in prayer and I was no longer doing so in angst or neediness. I was entering His gates with THANKSGIVING! Joy and contentment marked my countenance. I was fully confident, not in my performance with handling life, but in the full acceptance of my Savior! Neediness did not describe my approach to Him any longer.
Were we still a hot mess and needy? Of course we were! But He can handle that and does so brilliantly!
You cannot remove an idol. You have to REPLACE it. Share on XThat is exactly what God did for me!
My idol of perfectionism was toppled and replaced with gratitude!
As I perceive my life now, I respond with joyful trust because I know- GOD’S GOT THIS!
No longer am I worrying over what is wrong. Now I am grateful for all that is right!
Gretchen’s passion is to follow hard after Jesus, knowing He is the treasure of a lifetime and worth every minute she commits to Him. God’s Word has been life-changing for her through the most trying times—a great source of strength, wisdom, and truth. She’s a speaker, writer, and Bible teacher who loves to see Jesus change lives as He’s changed hers. Gretchen is a wife of 29 years and mother of 3 young adult children.
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Let’s Connect Beyond the Blog for the Holidays!
I don’t know about you, but I’m getting excited about the holidays! It’s a special time to be creative and spread joy throughout our communities and our families. The warm scent of cinnamon and chocolate layers the air in my home, and although I am never able to create every beautiful item pinned to my Pinterest boards, the idea of someday is enough to keep me happily dreaming.
Among my favorite gifts throughout the season are those handmade and homemade creations. I’ve received many through the years.
A monster cookie jar mix that provided a perfect rainy-day kid’s activity.
A beeswax candle that kept my home smelling fresh for months.
Sachets of lavender tucked within my drawers remained fragrant all year-long.
Delicately packaged sugar cookies, gingerbread men, and biscotti to line the dessert trays.
It’s this heart for investing time and love in creating personal gifts that is behind a very exciting announcement!
You’re invited to participate in:
Fresh Market Friday’s
Second Annual Holiday Gift Exchange!
Imagine being able to secretly place a special handmade gift or homemade treat on another blogger’s doorstep just in time for the holidays. And then imagine the surprise of receiving an equally special gift from a fellow blogger on your doorstep. How amazing to connect with each other more personally…beyond our blogs!
I believe bloggers are some of the most creative and talented people. This is an opportunity to reach beyond the blog page and share generosity, creativity and inspiration in a tangible and meaningful way. Because we never know how a single gift of love can make an overwhelming difference to just one! 
You can join the Holiday Gift Exchange by filling out the form HERE by November 28th! And be sure to add your link so we can all see who is joining the exchange.
Then be sure to link up HERE so we all know who is joining…it’s makes the anticipation that much better!
Sharing our blogs and connecting at the #BloggerGiftSwap #linkup! Share on X 
Remember, you can join the Holiday Gift exchange by filling out the form here by Tuesday, November 28th!
And be sure to add the Holiday Gift Exchange Button to your blog to announce your participation! 
Happy Holidays from Fresh Market Friday!
Just For You…
The SOUL-HOPE CAFE is a place created exclusively just for you – a calm, quiet little corner full of free gifts for you, where you can download all of our PRINTABLES, FRAMEABLES and INTENTIONAL LIFE TOOLS designed to sprinkle hope throughout your daily life.