When I got engaged, the angels sang, Mom cried, Dad was relieved – “Finally, someone who can afford her!” (Thanks, Dad.) and I bragged to all who would listen: “Mark is a cross between Prince Charming and Jesus!” True story. I was a missionary at the time, and that line went in my newsletter to all my supporters. (They were relieved, too.)

Then, I got married. Not that Mark wasn’t Jesus or Prince Charming. But we did think (before marriage) that we knew everything. And we did think (before marriage) that the other person was perfect and would love, perfectly.

Well, well. What does this have to do with cultivating a heart of gratitude? Well, everything. One day while fuming over Mark’s non-Jesus-ness and where-did-that-charm-go-anyway, I knew I should call my friend, Deb. Now I knew what Deb would say. I didn’t want to call her. But I did. And she said just what I knew she would:

“Sue, I want you to list ten things that you appreciate about Mark.”

I didn’t want to list ten, I didn’t want to list one. I wasn’t ready to give up my grousing. A pity-party of one is still a party.

I listed ten and maybe one or two had to do with Mark’s meticulous flossing habits, but a good trait is a good trait. By the time I made it to ten, my pity party turned to a thanking party, and we’re still married.

I’ve made more than one list in the past almost thirty years. And it always works.

The heart follows the mind which follows the pen. Share on X

My older and wiser friend, Liz (married since the Dark Ages, mother of five boys so I listen when Liz speaks) said one day at my table: “Sue, when my Tom gives me fits, – (well, she didn’t say it that way – she’s genteel and discreet and from Cape Cod) – I always find that it helps to say: “Lord, I thank You for Tom, I praise you for Tom.”

So I do the same, and God is pleased and my heart is lifted. And dear Mark meets a better wife at the end of a long day of working hard.

Thanking God in all things includes dull, non-romantic days full of diapers and disappointments and doldrums.

Making a list of what you appreciate in someone helps us climb out from a self-centered hole.

And if you really want the Prince Charming to re-appear, white horse and all, give him the list. Maybe along with his favorite floss (waxed, mint.)

As Ken Williams said,

“Gratitude not expressed is not gratitude.”

I’m convinced the more we list our gratitude, the better all our relationships become. I’m convinced the more we speak our “thankful’s” into another’s life, the more they live up to who God’s designed them to be.

It’s a powerful thing, this act of giving thanks, and it’s something we can do year-round. And God is pleased as punch.

Feeling you might be kicked out of grateful-hearts-club? I get it. Here’s a recap:

Surround yourself with Deb’s and Liz’s – community who tell the truth in love
Get a notebook and a pen that works – I love an excuse for a new notebook
Tell God you are thankful for____________________ at least once a day
Share your appreciation of the little things they do with those you love most and best (not just on their birthday!)

For a custom gratitude journal including scriptures, see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pillows. List your thankful’s and pass it on. Connect to one another by sharing a heart of gratitude. Or bring it out every Thanksgiving and keep a record of the year’s praises.

Sue Donaldson and her husband, Mark, live in San Luis Obispo, California. They have raised 3 semi-adult daughters who keep them at the bank and on their knees. Sue blogs at http://welcomeheart.com and has been speaking for women’s retreats and conferences for the past 20 years with long pauses for babies, diapers and soccer pasta parties. Follow her on instagram: suemooredonaldson or everytabletellsastory.

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