When the last goodnight has been spoken and a long-awaited hush floats through the house, I exhale, trying to get my thoughts of inadequacy corralled and release the day’s tension.
It’s been a difficult day of mothering, and I wonder if I am really making a difference. I question whether all this emptying and pouring into will really create an overflow of glory. Not for me, but for Him.
Do you ever feel this way? Like all the intentional effort and energy is yielding very little return? And you wonder what you are missing in this motherhood calling?
This soul shaping and keeping of dreams is just plain hard some days. Our heart can wear tired at the constant rebuttals and eye-rolls and roller coaster emotions.
The colossal calling of motherhood is never easy but nothing holy ever is. Share on XI’ve never known how to raise a daughter. No sisters to lean on – nurturing, motherly figure to point the way to my girl’s heart. It’s a journey I have poured myself into with unwavering determination, yet it is so ruggedly unfamiliar at times.
I try to recall what it was like, but my experience is not one to remember. I am the most unlikely of mothers and the least likely to succeed.
What if I am doing this all wrong? What if I have messed this up…messed her up?
In the quiet of this sacred space, my thoughts are abruptly stifled by the screaming tea kettle, and I smile at the irony. Screaming….a sound my daughter has never heard from me….a cycle broken in the midst of this imperfect mothering, by the grace of the One who rescues and delights – in me and in her.
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. Psalm 18:19
and I am thankful that…
–imperfect does not mean wrong
– our past does not determine our future
-grace is abundant to fill the gaps
-I have been given this “colossal calling“
She is so much like me, in need of such love and reassurance that she matters. And she does. She has been my heart’s desire since before I knew her.
And the truth is in all her years of lifelong telling. Through her whole life she has known… through all the mistakes, this one thing she knows in her core. She is and will always be deeply loved.
And this love gives her permission to be real…
to be hard and soft…
to laugh and cry…
to be distant and near…
to agree and disagree…
to be silent and outspoken…
to be imperfect…
and to be always and forever loved!
This is what really matters-this unconditional love. As unfamiliar as it is to my story, it is everything to hers, and it rocks my world breathless. To have been given the capacity to love in such a way for the sake of a soul, of a legacy.
It’s the mortar that fills the gaps and binds and strengthens through the weathering imperfections. It’s fierce and relentless to stand strong, and it’s the gifting in motherhood that messes us up so perfectly.
The cleansing truth that this giving of unconditional love in its purest form requires imperfection and bruising and resistance is enough for tonight.
And for tomorrow….it is everything.
Before you leave...
Be sure to visit our Featured Fresh Find over at Searching For Moments, where my sweet friend, Lori Schumaker shares her intentional and passionate heart for motherhood. She encourages us by giving a perfect image of a mother’s love and shares how God’s strength is made perfect in our weakest and weariest moments of motherhood.
Won’t you please visit Lori’s and leave her some Fresh Market Friday encouragement…because we all need a little encouragement.
And here’s another fresh piece of goodness….if you’ve been a Featured Fresh Find, feel free to grab the Featured button below!
If you’re new to #FreshMarketFriday, you can find more about the community here!
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♥ Write your post on your blog, just like any other post.
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I’m joining the link-up over at Searching for Moments and #TellHisStory